How to Respect Your Husband: 7 Biblical Tips for Modern Women

As a Christian woman, I know that God has called me to respect my husband. But as a modern woman, raised in an era of feminism, it’s hard to know what that means. “Honor your husband” seems like an outdated command.

Just like any woman born in the 1980s (dare I call myself a millennial?) I balk at the thought of being treated as second-class to a man. Something in me rebels at the thought of respecting and honoring my husband. 

But no matter how much my prideful heart cringes at the idea of showing respect to him, the Bible is still true. It says what it says, and the fact that it’s the 2020s doesn’t change God’s Word.

Why Should I Respect My Husband?

Equality is the word of the day. Feminists scream it (sometimes literally) from the housetops. “Women really want to be treated the same way as men.”

But for many of us, that just isn’t true. The truth is men and women are different. We aren’t meant to compete with each other for equality.

We were made to complement one another. Our differences are a gift from God.

In the book of Genesis, we read about the creation of the world. At the end of each day, God “saw that it was good.”

But when He made Adam, He realized something was missing. Adam needed a helper. Someone made specifically for him. To fill the empty parts in his heart.

And that person was a woman. She wasn’t less than, or unimportant. She was exactly right to meet his needs. 

In Ephesians 5:22-24 Paul says “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.”

Yes, God calls us to show respect and honor to our husbands by submitting to him. In everything.

While it goes against the grain of what we want to do, we should do it simply because God commands us to do it. 

What Does it Mean to Honor Your Spouse?

Somewhere between Creation and now, we’ve lost the special gift of our differences. Someone convinced us that if we choose to honor our husbands, we disrespect ourselves.

As a modern Christian woman, you can bring honor to your husband through your behavior. It doesn’t make you his slave. Showing respect for your husband doesn’t make you a doormat. It makes you a woman who honors and obeys God. 

Respecting your husband doesn’t mean you can never have a voice or opinion of your own. It doesn’t mean you have to dress like June Cleaver and have a 3-course meal ready when he gets home from work every day. 

Honoring your husband simply means choosing to show him respect. Yes, it’s a choice. Choosing to honor your husband is often hard since our husbands are human and not perfect.

You are called by God to respect your husband, even if he doesn’t deserve it, and even if he hasn’t earned it. 

How to Show Respect to Your Husband Biblically 

You might feel like respecting your husband will make you lose yourself. Somehow putting someone else about yourself will make you less of a person. 

But that’s not true. Learning to show your husband respect will strengthen your marriage. And, since it is a command from the Lord, it will also strengthen your faith and your walk with God.

We know that in the Bible, the role of women was very different from the role of women today! In fact, 1 Peter 3:6 says that Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. 

Bible verses that talk about the relationship between men and women are sometimes misunderstood. And we have to read them with the understanding that customs, traditions, and lifestyles were far different in Bible times. 

Now, if you or I called our husband “lord” it would be really weird. But you can still respect your spouse biblically in a practical way. 

7 Powerful Ways to Show Your Husband Respect 

Ever wondering how to treat your husband to make him feel loved and respected? Here are 7 Biblical tips to show honor to the husband God gave to you. 

Love your husband unconditionally. 

Does your husband always deserve your love? The answer is probably no. And you probably don’t always deserve his. 

But honoring and respecting your husband means that you love him even when he makes mistakes, doesn’t act like you think he should, or just downright fails you. God never gives you a reason not to respect your man. 

We are called to love our husbands as Christ loves us. Thankfully, He loves me no matter what, and I should pass that unconditional love on to my husband. 

Speak well of him to others. 

Recently, a friend and I were talking and she told me about a young woman she works with. She said none of the women in their office like that woman’s husband. They all think he’s a jerk.

But they don’t really know him. His wife talks about him negatively all the time. Of course, he never gets to present his side of the story, which most likely gives a totally different perspective. 

And I thought how sad he would be to know that his wife, who should be his greatest admirer, gives others a bad opinion of him. 

Before I was married, my pastor’s wife taught me this: Never speak badly of your husband. To anyone.

I cannot pretend to you that my husband and I never have disagreements. But I don’t share about them with others. I don’t complain about my husband to my parents, sister, or friends.

You see, husbands and wives disagree. Often. But they get over it and move on with life. Many times they forget about it.

But a wife who complains about her husband has planted a seed in someone else. They may never see that man the same way again and may lose respect for a very good man.

Instead, make a point to tell others the good things your husband does. Only speak kind words about your husband.

Tell your kids when daddy does something special for you or for your family. Help them see that he works hard to support them and give them a nice life.

Don’t complain about your husband under the guise of a prayer request. If your husband needs prayer, pray for him. But, please, don’t share his faults in a public forum.

If there is a situation in your life that you need to share, please find a trusted individual to pray with you. Speak to your pastor’s wife or a respected older lady.

Ask them to pray with you for guidance in your marriage. (You might be tempted to share with your mom or best friend, but this is probably not a great idea for the reasons mentioned above.)

Respect your husband’s authority.

The Bible tells us that submit to our husband’s leadership. That doesn’t mean that we necessarily agree with everything he says and does. 

But we still must respect that God has placed the husband as the head of the home. As the person who spends the most time with your children, it’s important that you don’t undermine your husband’s authority in front of your kids. 

Even if you don’t agree with something your husband says or does, you should never question him to others–especially your kids. There is a time for husbands and wives to discuss their disagreements. But it’s not where there are other people present. 

Take care of your husband’s needs.

God put something special inside a wife that makes her want to take care of her husband.

If you see a man whose jeans are always greasy, his t-shirts ripped and his hair needs a cut, you would probably feel sorry for him. 

You know, men just don’t see those things the same as we do. That’s why having a good wife is important to a man. In Proverbs 18: 22 the Bible tells us “Whoso findeth a wife, findeth a good thing.” (Emphasis mine.)

A man needs someone to keep his clothes clean, buy him new t-shirts and remind him to cut his hair.

In Proverbs 31, we read all about the virtuous woman, and all the things she is. But have you ever noticed this verse?

Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. Proverbs 31:23

People notice her husband. Why did he drop that verse right into the middle of this chapter about being a virtuous woman? Because people respect her husband because she takes care of him.

She makes him the respectable man that he is. I think that’s a pretty great compliment, don’t you?

Often, people will judge if a woman is a good wife, based on her husband’s appearance and attitude. Maybe that isn’t fair, but it’s true. When you serve your husband well, he receives respect among his peers, and in turn, so do you.

Pray for your husband regularly.

As wives, we probably don’t know half of the battles our husbands face. Many times they don’t share because of their instinct to protect and shelter us.

Sometimes we know that something is wrong, we just don’t know what. That’s why it is so important to pray every day for him.

My Heavenly Father knows my husband’s heart. He sees his struggles and the secret battles he fights. If there’s a situation at work he’s facing, God knows.

When a man worries about a health or money issue, he may not want to share that burden. Add your husband to your daily prayer list and pray for him consistently. Ask God to give him wisdom and strength. Pray for his safety–mentally, emotionally, and physically.

If you disagree with your husband about something, pray about that, too. Don’t pray only for God to change his mind. Instead, ask God to give both of you wisdom to come to an agreement.

Prayer is not a tool to change your husband. It’s a means for God to do work in your heart.

Related: 9 Daily Prayers for Your Husband Every Wife Should Pray

Encourage your husband in his dreams or goals. 

Have you heard the old saying, “Behind every man is a good woman?” It’s true. We, as wives have the ability to encourage and lift up our husbands. But we also have an incredible power to tear them down. 

Don’t be a wife who browbeats her husband! Encourage your man, tell him that he’s capable, smart, and the best at whatever he puts his mind to. 

I’m certainly not saying you should lie, or ply your husband with false flattery. But every woman should think her man is the best–and make sure she tells him so!

Keep your home nice.

In the same way that I should only speak well of my husband, I hope he will only speak good things about me. 

I have personally never been included in a conversation with a group of men. But my husband has. And men talk about their wives.

It’s not just the stuff you think, either. My husband has told me about men who pack their own lunchboxes, do their laundry, wash the dishes and clean the house.

Now, I am not saying that a wife must do all of these things. And I’m not saying that a husband can’t help out around the house.

But I am saying that those are the things God called us to do as women. Honestly, most men don’t even think about cleaning up. That’s why God gave the job of being a keeper at home to women!

Make your home a welcoming place. I can’t pretend that my house is always clean, nor is it always tidy. But I work to make it a place where my husband and family feel comfortable and welcome. 

If your husband comes home every day and has to wade through a pile of shoes at the door, dig through the dirty laundry to find a shirt to wear, and wash a spoon before he can even enjoy a snack, he’s not going to feel very respected. 

Now, here’s the thing. There will be days when these things do happen. Life happens, and it’s never perfect. But you should do your best to make your husband feel like he’s coming home to his castle, instead of the seven dwarves’ hovel the day before Snow White showed up. 

How to Respect Your Husband When You Don’t

When I find myself struggling to respect my husband, I’ve found that the problem is mine. The truth is, God does not give us an excuse to stop honoring our husbands. 

Yes, God commands our husbands to love us like Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25). But He never says that respecting your husband is an option. 

If you are not showing respect to your husband, you are disobeying God. I know that sounds harsh, but it’s true. 

1 Peter 3:1 says, “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;” This verse means that we, as wives have the responsibility to be subject to our husbands, even if they aren’t Christians, or aren’t obeying God. 

We have the ability to influence our husbands to do what is right and turn their hearts toward Christ through our actions. 

How Should a Wife Treat Her Husband?

How can I respect my husband without feeling like a doormat? Does respecting my husband mean I don’t respect myself? 

Ephesians 5:33 says, “Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”

Love and respect are two sides of the same coin. Men long for respect, and women long for love. Mixing the two together is a Biblical recipe for a happy, healthy marriage. 

Yes, respecting your husband goes against what your flesh wants. But when you choose to show honor to your spouse, God will honor that decision in your life.  

An important note: These are trademarks of Biblical marriage. If you are in an abusive relationship, please seek help. You cannot hope to change an abuser through these tips.

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