3 Stay-at-Home Mom Struggles and How to Fix Them

Being a mom is a wonderful thing. I love my kids more than I ever thought possible. I know you do, too. But that doesn’t mean we don’t have stay-at-home mom struggles.

I do believe that it’s possible to be a happy stay-at-home mom. But there are still times when I feel overwhelmed, stressed, tired and even lonely. These struggles are real, and it’s okay to say so.

If you’re struggling as a stay-at-home mom, you aren’t alone. I know that you feel guilty to tell anyone. After all, this is a choice that you made, and you’re happy with your decision.

But that doesn’t mean that every day will be easy and smooth. Some days will be hard, and sometimes you’ll feel like you’re going to lose. your mind.

I know. I’ve been there.

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Stay-at-Home Mom Struggle #1: You’re in the Comparison Trap

We’re all pretty good at putting on a happy front, aren’t we? We can smile at the right times, say the right things and show the right photos.

But every one of us have stay-at-home mom struggles and problems that we don’t tell anyone about. I promise you that even your friend who seems to have it all together all the time, doesn’t.

Life is real for all of us. Every mom you know has piles of laundry she has to wash, and a toilet she has to clean. No one wakes up in the morning with a perfect face and hair.

Social media is a great tool. But it has left us with the false impression that everyone is somehow doing better than we are.

We show the highlights of our own lives, and we see the highlights of others. And that’s okay. It’s best to keep the private parts of our lives private.

But it’s also really important to remember that other people have private lives that they aren’t sharing, too.

I’m sure you’ve seen it the same as I have. A “perfect” marriage that suddenly implodes. A well-behaved, respected young person makes a terrible choice. A woman you admire has an affair and destroys her family.

And there are other issues you may never know.

• A wife who cries at night thinking she can never measure up to be good enough.
• A mother who is dealing with a special needs child.
• A home that in spite of all the beautiful photos, is never really happy.
• A health diagnosis that we don’t want to believe.

These are real issues that people deal with. And we may never know them.

That’s why it’s so important not to fall into the comparison trap. If you ever see a friend and think how much better her life is than yours, you’re in the trap.

Solution 1: Unfollow.

A while back I went through my social media feed and unfollowed a bunch of accounts. I highly recommend it.

I unfollowed any person, or even company that made me feel bad about myself or my life. That included accounts that show beautifully decorated farmhouses.

I love a gorgeous farmhouse! But seeing those perfect spaces made me feel discontent with my own home. And I fell into the comparison trap.

Unfollowing people on social media is important and probably healthy. But you may need to unfollow in real life, too.

I have found myself pulling away from people who always put up a perfect front. I don’t want to know all of their dirty laundry. But if they are always making show of how great their life is, it’s okay to take a step back.

Solution #2: Have gratitude.

When it comes down to the nitty gritty, the comparison trap is really just a lack of gratitude on my part. It’s feeling like what I have isn’t enough.

Take the time to assess your own life. Count your blessings. When you take the time to see how good God has been to you, there is less time for worrying about what someone else has.

Use a 30-Days of Gratitude Challenge to find even small things you can be thankful for. Cultivate an attitude of gratitude, and you’ll find yourself falling into the comparison trap less often.

Stay-at-Home Mom Struggle #2: You Have No Boundaries

Tell me if you’ve ever faced a situation like this:

It’s been a rough week and you’re exhausted. It’s Saturday and you’re just looking for some time to relax. Your phone dings with a text message.

Maybe it’s a family member, friend or fellow church member. They’ve planned a last-minute event. It’s going to be a potluck. What can you bring?

Or maybe everyone is headed out to a restaurant after church. You know your budget really can’t handle it. But everyone else is going, and the kids are begging. You can’t say no! You’ll find a way to work it out.

Situations like this happen to me more often than I care to admit. I’d rather do something to make others happy, than to actually do the thing I know I should do.

Even if it puts me out, costs me money I don’t have, or brings stress into my life.

This is what happens when we live a life with no boundaries. When we just allow ourselves to be led around by our whims (or worse, the whims of others!) it never leads anywhere good.

It makes us stressed out and overwhelmed. Since we often end up giving our families what’s leftover of our time and resources, it can cause problems in our homes, too.

Solution #1: Learn to say no.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I know that the Bible tells us to put others first. But I think we’ve gotten that a little twisted up. We are not called to say yes to every opportunity.

The Bible tells us that we should weigh every decision carefully. Saying yes to one thing, means you have to say no to something else.

House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the Lord.

Proverbs 19:14

Prudent means “wise or judicious in practical affairs; sagacious; discreet or circumspect; sober, careful in providing for the future.”

We want to always be thinking ahead, and planning for the future. Weigh each decision based on what sacrifices you’ll have to make.

If you decide it’s worth the sacrifice, by all means, do it. But let it be your decision and not someone else’s.

You might be surprised at how saying no will simplify your life.

Solution #2: Set priorities.

The easiest way to say no, is by first knowing what is really important to you. Learn to set priorities as a stay-at-home mom.

Don’t let anyone else tell you what your priorities should be. Your family is unique, and you get to decide for yourselves what matters to you–including where you want to spend your time and money.

I recently faced this struggle myself. Several of my son’s friends signed up for a class, and I wondered if I should sign him up, too.

This is not necessarily a topic that he enjoys. The class costs money that I’d rather spend on something else. And it would be very inconvenient to our family for me to take him there every week.

In the end, my husband and I weighed all the options, and decided that wasn’t something we want to do right now. Sure, it might work out better sometime in the future, but it doesn’t now.

Because we know that isn’t a priority for us, we didn’t sign him up for that class. He doesn’t feel like he’s missing out. (Maybe kids are less likely to fall into the comparison trap?) And I’ve saved some sanity.

Solution #3: Let go of what’s not yours.

How often in life do we women take responsibility for or worry over things that aren’t ours to carry?

We get upset over something we read on Facebook, an argument between our child and a friend, or a family member’s bad marriage.

It’s okay to pray about situations like this, in fact, you should. But when we allow ourselves to dwell on things that are out of our control, it only makes our everyday stay-at-home mom struggles harder.

When you find yourself stewing over a burden that isn’t yours to carry, remember these wise words from my dad: Not my circus, not my monkeys. Trust me, mama, we’ve both got enough problems of our own, without taking on someone else’s.

Stay-at-Home Mom Struggle #3: You’re Running on Empty

As moms we are always pouring into others. It’s what we were made to do. We give ourselves to our families, church, community and sometimes to jobs.

Eventually, there’s no fuel left in our tanks.

I know you’ve heard the analogy before, but it bears repeating. When you’re on a plane, they tell you that in case of an emergency you should put on your own oxygen mask before you try to help someone else. After all, you can’t help anyone if you’ve passed out.

Having an empty tank means something different to each of us. Some of us are running on empty spiritually. The baby and toddler years are especially hard times for mamas.

When a baby keeps you awake most of the night, and a toddler wakes up early in the morning, it’s hard to get a daily quiet time. Even going to church can be hard, as you wrestle a squirming child.

The early years can also make it hard to fill up physically. Your day is full of chasing kids, putting out fires (hopefully just figurative ones!), and cleaning up messes.

Sometimes you end up sacrificing things like sleep, proper nutrition, and exercise in order to do it all. Eventually this takes a toll on your body and health.

We can also come to a place where we are empty emotionally. I have realized that I need some fun and downtime in my life. I need connection with other people, but I also need time alone.

When you’re a busy mom, you’re always pouring love, encouragement, strength, hope or a hundred other things into someone. You need some time to fill back up.

Solution #1: Fill up spiritually.

You probably won’t always have time to dedicate hours of time to prayer and Bible study. But it’s still important to take time to fill yourself spiritually.

I love Becky Thompsons’ book Truth Unchanging. The devotions are really short, but I never read one that I don’t feel inspired or convicted.

I’m also a huge fan of Bible apps that read the Bible to you. That way you can even get some Bible time in during things like dinner prep, or laundry folding.

Surround yourself with Scripture, like Bible verses for overwhelmed moms, and encourage your heart with God’s Word.

Solution #2: Fill up physically.

This might be the biggest struggle we face. Have you ever stayed up late so that you can finish something (or more than one thing) that you didn’t finish earlier? Gotten up early so that you could try to catch up on your list from yesterday–or even days before that?

I’d guess that most of us have eaten our kids’ leftover lunch sandwich. Even though we know we need to eat something healthier or more substantial–we just don’t have the time.

To avoid this stay-at-home mom struggle, try to do a few things each day to prioritize your health. Try to get a full night’s sleep, or prioritize eating healthier foods. You might be surprised how just a few simple changes will help you feel better.

I know that when you’re dealing with little kids, it’s hard to prioritize anything for yourself. But if you don’t take care of yourself, you’ll struggle with stay-at-home mom burnout (yes, it’s a real thing), and that won’t be good for anyone.

Solution #3: Fill up emotionally.

Since each one of us has different emotional needs, this one will look different for everyone.

I fill up emotionally by spending time alone, reading, or working on a sewing project. I also fill up by spending time relaxing with my family.

You may fill up by being with friends, or going out for a coffee alone. You might also need some one-on-one time with your hubby.

Whatever you need to fill up emotionally, I encourage you to try to do it. It will probably require some sacrifice, but will be totally worth it in the end!

How Not to Lose Your Mind as a Stay-at-Home Mom

No two days at home with kids are ever the same. But every day is crazy in its own way.

The key to being a stay-at-home mom and staying sane is to take each minute as it comes, and enjoy the good times. Sometimes the never-endingness of motherhood can be overwhelming.

These little humans that you love so much you would die for, can honestly drive you up the wall.

Instead of seeing the chaos, focus on getting through the current crisis. When you have moments of fun, store up those memories. Cherish the time you have, and try not to be overwhelmed by the details.

I know that you are an amazing mom. You’re doing the best you can. One day you’ll look back on it, and be thankful for these years, stay-at-home mom struggles and all.

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