How to be a Successful Stay-at-Home Mom
Can we all just take a second to recognize that we live in some really crazy times? If we learned one thing during 2020, it’s that nothing is permanent. Life can literally change overnight. And the meaning of being a successful stay-at-home mom can change, too.
One Monday in March of 2020, I picked up my son from school at noon. He did not return to school until August.
Our family attended church one Sunday morning and Sunday night like we usually do. We did not go back to church again for nearly two months.
I visited my local library at least once a week for over three years. I wasn’t able to go there for four months.
Maybe you’re like me and have been a stay-at-home mom for a long time. Or maybe the pandemic threw you into a position you didn’t expect. Either way, we are all in the same boat now.
We’re all trying to find a way to be successful stay-at-home moms during unprecedented times with no guidebook to follow. Even some of the best parenting advice doesn’t apply right now.
But there are some basic principles that I have found to help me be a successful stay-at-home mom during all situations and circumstances. Here are three things you can do to be a great stay-at-home mom even when life is crazy.
Be a Successful Stay-at-Home Mom by Being Flexible
One thing that stays the same is that nothing stays the same. Creating routines is great. But what happens when none of your old routines work anymore?
A changing life requires changing routines. Many of us are learning this as our kids are starting back to school. And it looks a lot different than it did when we dropped them off there the last time.
Some of you might be trying homeschool for the first time. Others might be taking your kids to school with masks, or doing a hybrid of online and in-person learning. And none of us knows how long that might last.
I am a person who craves routine and order. I like productivity for busy moms. All of the uncertainty of the past six months has made my little Type A head spin!
But I’ve learned that to be a truly successful stay-at-home mom, flexibility is a must. No plan can be set in concrete.
Take my weekly laundry schedule for instance. On Fridays I strip the beds and wash the sheets and quilts. On Wednesdays I wash all the towels. But on one particular Wednesday recently, one of my boys had an accident during the night.
Sigh. Let’s just wash those sheets, again, shall we?
But that’s the story of motherhood. It’s learning to change plans at the drop of a hat.
If you’re a mom who’s now a teacher, you get this. You’re suddenly figuring out how to clean your house and cook dinner in between teaching math and spelling.
These kind of adjustments come with occasional freakouts. But in the end, we find a way to work around it.
Make the adjustments.
I’m lucky enough to be sending my son to in-person school. However, it’s an adjusted schedule with only 4.5 hours every day. While I like the shorter schedule, and the fact that I don’t have to go through the wake-everyone-up routine, it’s put a kink in my days.
I work from home, as well as homeschooling my younger son. After driving to and from school, doing homeschool preschool and things like making lunch, I’m left with only about 2.5-3 hours to do everything I used to do in a whole day.
For the first few weeks I really struggled. It seemed like I was constantly running around playing catch-up. (But never actually catching up.)
But after a while I adjusted my schedule to get the most productivity out of the time. Now, I try to do my daily cleaning before we leave for school. And I usually work for at least an hour after everyone goes to bed.
It’s not ideal. But it does have it’s advantages, too. I can actually work uninterrrupted, listening to music on my headphones, or with a movie in the background. And I’m not missing out on evenings with my family to get my work done.
Whatever curve balls you’ve been thrown as a stay-at-home mom, you can work through them. Get creative, and make adjustments. And know that this season is only temporary.
Be a Successful Stay-at-Home Mom by Being Consistent
I know that consistency sounds exactly the opposite of flexibility. But hear me out.
Kids need consistency in their lives. Lives that have changed drastically, too. One day they were going to school and hanging out with their friends, and the next day (and for many days after) they were at home with only siblings and parents for company.
We have tried to protect our boys from much of the chaos and confusion that is going on in the world. But we can’t shelter them from it all.
There is a lot of weird stuff happening that they don’t understand. Just think about how you’ve struggled with the changes. And our kids understand even less than we do.
Even as you’re working on being flexible and making changes where necessary, create some consistency for your kids, too.
Now that we’re spending more time at home, we have great opportunities for setting consistent routines. Not necessarily things that you do exactly the same way every day, but things they can always expect.
Create a new routine.
We decided a while back that we wanted to teach our boys the Lord’s prayer. So we started quoting it together as a family every night at dinner.
For the first few days it was just my husband and I saying it. But soon the boys were starting to say parts, and now they both know the whole passage. Every night after we bless our food, they immediately start, Our Father which art in Heaven…”
Another great time to establish a routine is at bedtime. Even if you don’t necessarily go to bed at the same time, you can create a routine that you do every night at bedtime.
It might be something like this: Get a drink, brush teeth, use the potty, read a bedtime story, pray and tuck in. You can let your kids pick a different story every night, or use the time to read through a chapter book.
You can even start small by just committing to sit together at your table and eat dinner each night. Or set a time each day when everyone gets a snack. Create a playlist that you listen to each morning while you get ready for school–whatever that looks like.
Let your kids know that even when life is confusing or always changing, there are some things that are consistent. It might surprise you how much comfort your children will find in some routine.
Be a Successful Stay-at-Home Mom by Giving Grace
Now I’ve got to share some really bad news with you. Sometimes it doesn’t matter how flexible you are, or how hard you try to be consistent. It will all fall apart.
Dinner will burn.
Your husband will have to work late.
One of the kids will pee in their bed.
You’ll forget to put the clothes in the dryer.
And in those times, you will want to throw in the towel. And that’s where you have to give some grace.
Give yourself grace to be imperfect. Understand that sometimes no matter how hard you try, it just won’t work out. And that’s okay.
Give your kids grace when they mess up. Don’t cry over the spilt milk or the wet sheets. Even if you really want to.
Know that it’s okay to make mac and cheese out of a box. The sheets can be washed and dried. And if you put the kids in bed, you can even take a peaceful bubble bath while you wait for your hubby.
Remember that tomorrow is a new day.
When you’re a stay-at-home mom, sometimes days seem to just fade into one another. You can go several days in a row without seeing anyone besides your kids and husband.
But even when days seem endless, know that they are not. A new day will come, and you can start over.
God’s mercies are new to us every morning, and our grace toward ourselves and others should be the same.
I’m not giving you an out here. Don’t decide that it’s okay not to try. I truly believe we should give our best every day.
But I also know that when things don’t work out, it’s better to just try again than to moan and groan and give up. (Preaching to myself here!)
Focus on gratitude, and challenge yourself to find something each day to be thankful for. It’s hard to be grumpy when you’re full of grace and gratitude.
Benefits of Being a Stay-at-Home Mom
It’s easy to fall into a woe-is-me attitude as a stay-at-home mom. I’m speaking from experience.
I am extremely grateful for my opportunity to stay at home. But that doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes question my decision or wonder if I’m doing it right.
But then there are those mornings. The ones where my boys wander sleepy-eyed into the living room and we sit on the couch. Sometimes we pretend to be pirates, or we read a book, or we play tickling games.
Those are the times when I realize the benefits of being a stay-at-home mom. These times don’t happen every day. But when they do, I grasp them and hold on.
You might not have morning snuggle benefits. You might have school pick-up benefits, or long afternoon walk benefits, or no daycare bills benefits. Whatever they are, I encourage you to find them and embrace them.
Being a successful stay-at-home mom isn’t as much about a list of things to do or not do as it is an attitude. Have an attitude of gratitude each day for your children and for the opportunity to stay at home with them.
You might be surprised how quickly you find yourself being a truly successful stay-at-home mom.
