Book Review: Why Her by Nicki Koziarz
The more I read and talk to people, the more I think we all suffer from comparisons. Recently, I’ve read several books dedicated to the subject, and it’s been something I’ve wrestled with a lot myself. In her new book Why Her? Nicki Koziarz tackles this subject head-on through the lens of a well-known Bible story–that of two sisters who both married the same man, and spent the rest of their lives in a perpetual state of comparison and bickering.
Jacob loved Rachel from the moment he saw her. He worked seven years to make her his bride. A terrible trick on his wedding night left him married to her older sister, Leah. Jacob agreed to work seven more years for Rachel’s hand. So, he ended up married to both women. Oh boy. Can you imagine sharing your husband with another woman? Even worse, can you imagine sharing your husband with your sister? Jacob loved Rachel, and hated Leah–a fact that Rachel seemed to enjoy throwing up to her sister. It doesn’t help that even the Bible says Rachel was beautiful, and Leah was…not. The situation only got worse when Leah started having babies, and Rachel couldn’t.
The struggle was real, ya’ll.
I’ve never had to share my husband with anyone. (Trust me, it ain’t happening!) But, how often do I fall into the trap of comparing myself to others, and feeling like I don’t measure up? More often than I care to admit here. I’ve come to realize that nothing good comes from comparison. Actually, comparison stems from jealousy. Ouch. That’s an ugly word that we really don’t like to think about. And definitely not one we want to use to describe ourselves.
We don’t usually speak the “Why her?” question aloud. We don’t even want to admit that we ask it. In reality it sounds kind of childish. But, in our minds, the question is alive. It comes whenever we see someone living the life that we’d like to live. Why her, and not me?
- Why do her kids behave like little angels, while I’m wrestling with mine to sit still?
- Why does she have plenty of money, while I’m struggling to pay my bills?
- Why did she get a promotion? I’m qualified, I’ve worked here longer, and I deserve one!
- Why is her husband so much more romantic than mine?
And the list could go on and on. We ask a “Why her?” question every time we compare our lives to someone else’s, and find ourselves lacking. But, it’s time to identify comparison for what it is. It’s time to let it stop ruining our lives and alienating us from our friends. Comparison (jealousy) keeps us from seeing life the way it really is. It keeps us from seeing the good in our own lives, but it also hides the truth of others’ lives, too. No one has the perfect life, and there is always a behind-the-scenes story that we can’t see.
In her trademark ‘laugh-because-you-know-it’s-true’ style, Nicki Koziarz brought so many truths to light for me in Why Her? I’ve come to see my petty jealousy for what it is. Even though I will never share Rachel and Leah’s story (thank God for bigamy laws!), I can identify with their thoughts, attitudes and actions. But, this book does more that just tell you what you’re doing wrong, but gives solid steps to get it right! When you read Why Her? you will be forced to take an honest look at yourself, at your life, and your comparison issues. I think we probably all know what our struggle is.
Why Her? is a great read for any woman who wants to let go of the comparison fight. Convincing us to compare ourselves to others is another trick of Satan to keep us from living up to our full potential as daughters of God. And as I’ve talked about many times before, there is only one way to fight the lies of Satan. We must combat his lies with truth. In Why Her? you’ll find six truths that you need to hear when you start comparing yourself to someone else, and feel like you don’t measure up.
I have never looked at the story of Rachel and Leah in this light before. I’ll certainly never see them the same again! Their story is so full of pain, jealousy and heartbreak, when it didn’t have to be! I don’t want to ever look at my life and think, “I could’ve been so much happier, and so free, if I’d only let go of this jealousy sooner!” I’m learning to identify these jealous comparisons when they sneak up on me, and I’m trying to deal with them before they overtake me, like they did those two sisters.
Friend, I want the same for you! How wonderful the world could be if we could all enjoy the blessings that God gives to us, instead of always wanting what someone else has! If we could learn that no one’s life is perfect, that we are all struggling on the same road together. If we could learn to be happy for the success of others, instead of feeling those sharp jealousy pangs. Next time I look at someone else and think, “Why her?” I’m going to take a minute to reflect on my own blessings, and find true joy and happiness in my own life.
If you’d like to get a copy of Why Her? 6 Truths We Need to Hear When Measuring Up Leaves Us Falling Behind, click here.
I received an advanced copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for my review. All opinions are my own, and a favorable review was not required. This post contains affiliate links.
