How to Be Confident in Your Parenting Style
No one told me how much self-doubt would be involved in parenting. I’m always worried that I’m doing something wrong, or could be doing something better. But, here’s a secret: I think most of us are probably doing it right. We just each have our own parenting style.
The truth about parenting is that all of us are doing this for the first time. Sure, some people have more kids, older kids and more experience. But every day is different, and every interaction is different.
Learn Your Parenting Style
It might take some time to become more confident as a parent for many of us. I know I’m not always confident in my decisions!
But one of the keys to being a confident parent is to learn what our parenting style is. We’re all different, and that reflects in the way we choose to handle situations.
Your parenting style may change over time as you learn and grow, or as you have more kids. The important thing is to know what kind of parent you are. And then stick with it.
If you’re like me, you’ll realize you probably need to improve in some areas. Allow yourself to grow and change as necessary.
Ask God to help you be the kind of parent He wants you to be. That’s the quickest path to success. But when you start feeling doubtful about kind of parent you are, there are a few things you can do to help.
Understand Your Own Influences
I was raised by a single dad. My parents divorced when I was young, and that caused me to grow up quickly. Over the last few years I have become painfully aware of how my childhood effects my parenting.
Often you’ll hear people say things like, “My parents treated me that way, and promised I’d never do that to my kids.”
Or, “I want to raise my kids just like my parents raised me.”
I recently read a story in the news about a man who was raised in the foster care system, and now he’s adopting three boys who are siblings.
In all of these situations, someone’s childhood is influencing them in their current parenting style. The important thing is not to allow your past to negatively effect you now.
We can’t change the past, or how it influenced us. Instead, we can focus on changing our own attitudes, and using the past to propel us forward.
Whether you had a picture-perfect childhood, or a rough one, use it to influence you to be the best you can be.
Accept Your Children’s Personalities
Kids are so different. I know people say it and say it, but until you’ve been around several all at once, you don’t know just how true it is.
Some kids accept instruction easily. Others, are stubborn and would rather figure things out on their own.
You might have one child who is is adventurous, and quick to try new things. While another child is more cautious, and likes to think things through.
My boys both love LEGO. But one would rather sit and build (and take apart and build again) for hours. While the other would rather build one thing and play with it for days.
Kids even respond to discipline and punishment differently. For that reason, the same methods don’t work for everyone.
If we try to force all of our kids into one mold, it would never work. When choosing how to play with our kids, encourage them, talk to them and discipline them, their personalities often play a huge roll.
Stop Worrying About Others’ Opinions
A while back I posted a picture of one of my kids on Instagram, and a friend made a comment. It wasn’t a negative comment. Just a comment.
But it instantly made me think, “Did others see that picture in a negative way? Do they all think I’m a bad mom, now?”
If you’ve ever sat with a group of moms talking about kid issues you’ve probably experienced this feeling.
As moms weigh in on their opinions about dealing with things like picky eaters, chore charts, bedtimes and screens, you can start to feel overwhelmed.
And suddenly you’re asking yourself (or your husband), “Am I even a good mom?”
Last week I heard a Dave Ramsey podcast where he said that moms today cannot win. We are constantly made to feel guilty about something.
We are always questioning our own abilities and actions. Too often we measure ourselves against someone else’s opinions, and we don’t measure up.
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Don’t let someone’s opinion of you sway you in your parenting confidence. You can stop striving for perfection in motherhood and be a good mom.
I’m not saying that we shouldn’t seek Godly counsel and wise advice. We certainly should! (I will say, the place to go for that is your pastor’s wife, a trusted family member or an older friend. Definitely not an online forum.)
If you find yourself constantly questioning yourself as a mom, it might be time to do some soul-searching. Are there areas you need to work on? If the answer is yes, focus on those areas.
But if you realize that you have allowed the opinions of others to influence you and make you doubtful, it might be time to take a step back. It’s okay to leave groups or situations where people’s opinions negatively effect you.
In the end we only have to answer to God for our parenting choices. As long as we strive to follow His will, what other’s think isn’t important.
Be Confident in Your Parenting Style
I want to leave you today with a little confidence boost. God chose you to be the mom for your family.
He allowed the influences that came in your life. He gave your children the personalities that they have. We only need to embrace the blessings He’s given.
Find your God-given parenting style, and move forward in confidence.
