Simplify Your Life By Saying “NO”
As wives and moms we spend most of our time serving others. That’s wonderful, and most of the time we find it very fulfilling. But sometimes we get to a place in life where we’re perpetually exhausted from taking on too much. That’s why saying no is important when we need to simplify our lives.
My word of the year for 2021 was simplify. I have found myself over the last few months feeling really overwhelmed with life. And I knew I needed a change.
The first thing I’m simplifying this year is my priorities, and learning to say “no” more. I can’t honestly do it all. And, friend, neither can you.
Dealing with FOMO
Fear of missing out. It’s a real thing. And it leads us to say yes to a lot of things that we really don’t even care about.
What if you don’t take that opportunity, and it was the opportunity of a lifetime? What if you skip that one thing, and it was the thing that would’ve changed your life?
Yea, that sounds pretty dramatic. And it’s probably not realistic.
Sure, saying no to something you enjoy is hard. But sometimes you have to weigh it against the things that really matter.
A few years ago I was offered an amazing opportunity. A lady asked me to make two queen-sized quilts for her daughters for Christmas. Did I mention it was already the middle of November? Or that I had never made a quilt that large before?
Knowing what a blessing that money would be for my family, I said yes. And that started one of the most miserable Christmas experiences of my life.
I love Christmas. I love parades and plays and caroling and parties. But most of that year went by in a blur. I spent hours at my sewing machine working on those huge quilts. Some nights I only slept 3-4 hours.
Even then, I was only able to finish one before Christmas.
Yes, the money I earned from those quilts was wonderful. But was it worth what I went through?
(The worst part of this example is that I actually did this exact same thing another Christmas before I learned my lesson. True story)
I was so afraid I’d miss out on a great opportunity, I ruined my own Christmas.
Saying No and Taking Chances
I think it’s great to take new chances–sometimes. But if you’re like me, you often take too many. And instead of doing a few things well, you end up doing a lot of things really poorly–or only halfway.
So, how do you know if an opportunity is worth taking, and if it isn’t? First, setting your priorities is important. Know what is important to you, and what really isn’t.
I know that sounds simple. (Kinda the point, right?) But it works.
Last year our family was able to take our first vacation in over four years. We were so excited!
Most Sundays after church you’ll find us at our favorite Mexican restaurant. But as our vacation got closer, saving money for our trip was more important to us than cheesy rice.
Having a great family vacation was our priority at the time. Mexican is our favorite. (And kids eat free on Sunday–big win!) But it wasn’t as important to us as our trip.
Know what you’re willing to take chances on, and what you aren’t. Saying yes to one thing, ultimately means saying no to something else. Decide which thing matters most.
Saying No With a No List
I heard about a no list a few years ago from a friend. I made my own this year, and it’s kinda fun.
You can put anything you want on your list. What do you struggle to say no to? Do you always buy a candy bar at the grocery store, then regret it later? Add it to the list.
Is your cabinet overflowing with unused beauty products because you love trying new one? Put “new beauty products” on the list.
When I was young and unmarried (so long ago!) I had a standing date with some friends after church on Sunday nights. We’d all order pizza or calzones, watch a movie and stay up way too late.
Then, I realized I was quickly packing on the pounds from my late-night snacks, and I knew I had to give it up. Saying no to something that’s really not great for your health seems like a no-brainer. But it isn’t always, is it?
Having a no list really takes a lot of pressure off of you! It gives you freedom to make a choice one time.
I’ve already seen my no list paying off for me this year. I saw an opportunity for some growth in my business, and I immediately started typing up an application.
Then, I remembered that “no new business opportunities” was on my no list. And I stopped.
Another great thing about writing a no list, is that you can also make a yes list! Are there things you often say no to, when you wish you could say yes?
Maybe your kids ask for a special treat, and you say no, because there isn’t enough money in your budget. Or you have say no to things like hospitality at home, because you feel like your house is too small or too messy.
Write down all the things you want to say yes to. My yes list for this year includes time with my family, bedtime, (I have a terrible habit of staying up way too late!) simple recipes, hospitality and music.
Then, when you know the things you want to say “yes” to, make it happen! Make a budget, clean your house, take a course…whatever it takes to get you where you want to be.
Saying no to one thing means you’re saying yes to room for something better!
Lara Casey
Saying No and People Pleasers
Hi, my name is Lyndsie and I am a people pleaser.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to make others happy. And I’m certainly not going to tell you that I think we should strive only for our own happiness.
What I will say, is that each of us has a responsibility to serve God first. Our main goal in life is to do what He has called us to do.
Often I find myself doing something because I know it will make someone else happy, or make them think of me a certain way. But, really, that doesn’t matter as much as what God thinks of me.
The things you’re doing might be all really good things. But if you are doing them just to make someone else happy, and not for the ultimate goal of pleasing your Heavenly Father, you might be on the wrong track.
The truth is, ten years from now you will be in an entirely different stage of life. What someone thinks of you right now, won’t matter much–if at all.
But what God thinks of you and your actions will matter for all eternity. So, choose wisely the things that you say yes and no to. Whenever possible, choose the thing that will matter forever.
How to Use Your Time Wisely
Each of us only has twenty-four hours in every day. No matter how much we wish we could speed time, or slow it, we cannot. It continues on at the same pace.
We all have the choice of how to use our time. Time can easily be wasted through mindless scrolling, binge-watching, gossiping, or a hundred other ways that have no eternal value.
Or, we can choose to use our time in ways that matter. Working towards reaching our goals, spending time with family or pursuing the calling God has given us.
The choice is always yours. I’ve often gotten myself in a mess from saying yes to too many things. When I say yes to another task, responsibility, or even something fun, I have to say no to something else by default.
Saying no is one of the best ways to manage your time. It doesn’t make you rude. It makes you wise.
Here’s what to consider as you move forward. Know what matters to you. Measure how much time you have. Think about where you’d like to be in ten years.
Then, you’ll know if you should say “yes” or “no.” And you probably won’t miss out on a lifetime opportunity.
